Rabbi’s Message
Thank you thank you Thank you for this evening’s tribute. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled, truly humbled by the praise. I am deeply moved.
I guess the only thing more I could have wished for is that my parents be here to shep nachas.
There are so many of you to thank for the many years of support and assistance. I am not going to mention names except for a very few, because inevitably one leaves someone out and know that I truly am grateful to you all. But I have to shout out Judy Wein who organized this whole party. I asked Judy why can’t we just have a nice kiddush on the last Shabbat and that’s it. But she insisted on making this the beautiful honor that it is. Also, a big thanks to Will Turbow who has truly given of himself overseeing not just the tribute component of this party but also the rabbinic search committees which is still unfinished.
I visited the Cemetery this morning. At first I intended to invite others to join me but in the end I chose to make it a private visit so that I could thank all of those who are no longer with us who helped me and Sinai synagogue be the very special place that it is. Although they are no longer with us physically, we feel their presence whenever we are in this building.
When we came to South Bend 30 years ago, it was Lizzie and myself, Tali and Moshe. Today Lizzie and I have 4 wonderful adult children, two with their spouses and two grandchildren. We have been spectacularly blessed and our children blessed to grow up in this welcoming and accepting community. Most of all I am grateful to Lizzie who never signed up for the job of Rebbetzin but has given of herself totally to this congregation and the Jewish community of South Bend. She is the first and primary advisor to me and my biggest supporter, let alone truly the better half in our partnership. I say this, so if any of you are upset with some decision I have made over the last 30 years, it’s her fault.
The relationship between the rabbi and the congregation is a partnership as well. Both sides have to be willing to help the other bring out the best in each. And so I also want to thank the congregation for allowing me to be me, to be a little bit selfish in how I chose to lead our congregation. Some of you would come back from family simhas and tell me, Rabbi we were just at this Conservative synagogue and the guitar on Shabbat morning was great. Or whenever we visit a Conservative synagogue, they always read the triennial. And they recorded the bar mitzvah so the family could have the recording. And I would say, that’s nice but …we’re not going to do that.
It wasn’t that I thought those congregations were wrong, it is just that when colleagues spoke of burn out, those who suffered from it were always cases of leading from behind. Making changes not because they believed in them but because they were chasing a hope that this move appeal to someone else. But you all know I am a White Sox fan and attendance numbers has never been what motivates us. I can imagine some congregations telling the rabbi, this is what we want and if you can’t provide it we will look for a leader who can. But this congregation allowed me to maintain what I considered my religious integrity and that truly made a difference for me.
Some may question, well then why are you retiring now? And my answer has nothing to do with my enthusiasm for serving this congregation. But when I finished rabbinical school, my generation of Conservative rabbis had a different set of challenges. We had a different response to intermarriage and the societal change of what was considered a ‘normative’ Jewish family. Earlier rabbis might have shamed a Jew for marrying out or encouraged them to find a different Jewish community. My generation was taught to embrace such families. How to deal with blended families, single parent families, gay families, all of this was my generation’s challenge to creating a whole Jewish community. Egalitarianism was still an issue. When I arrived at Sinai, there was still a velvet rope on the first three rows of seats allowing those who wished to sit separately, to do so. No one did, but just in case. It was unusual for women to lead davvening in the congregation. My generation’s charge was to bring full egalitarianism to our communities. And finally, for me at least, the challenge was to teach Torah in a way that was faithful to our noble religious tradition but in a language that made sense to modern reasonable people. To paraphrase the great Rabbi David Hartman, to teach Torah appropriate for a God who hates lies. We needed to express the wisdom of our tradition and the Torah of our Sages, who lived in very different intellectual and social milieus, while translating that Torah into our socio-historical context.
Today the rabbinic challenges are different. Ever since the Tree of Life massacre, rabbis have to serve with security barriers around their locations. When I began the building was always open and that sent a different message than needing to show your ID to visit. After COVID, rabbis became epidemiologists, dealing with risk assessment. And after the tragedy of October 7, we had to become facilitators in discussions over Zionism. The American Jewish community has been severely fractured for decades. When I finished rabbinical school there were only two things that all Jews could agree on – Reform, Conservative Orthodox, socialist, capitalist, whatever – Jews don’t believe in Jesus and Jews support Israel. Well, we are down to one. October 7 opened up a fissure in the American Jewish community that perhaps we should have been aware of, but is now an open sore. And finally negotiating and maneuvering social media – Instagram, tiktok, AI and ChatGPT – if in 1900 for an American rabbi to be successful he needed to know baseball, today for an American rabbi to fully engage, he or she needs to master Instagram. I won’t even read a book on Kindle. These challenges – security against violent threats, social media expertise, negotiating over attitudes about Israel and Zionism – are for the current and future generations of rabbis to confront. They have grown up with these concerns and displacements, they will have to learn how to respond with methods that draw Jews together and make our communities stronger.
My retirement from full time service at Sinai Synagogue is not about burn out, there are no hard feelings, only gratitude and love for this community for allowing me to fulfill my task of service.
Allow to me to close with a story told by my teacher Rabbi Eliezer Diamond Z”L who passed away earlier this year. Rabbi Diamond was a great scholar, teacher and counselor. As a young orthodox rabbi, son of a rabbi, he dealt with many personal demons. During a rehab stint he needed to speak to someone who spoke his spiritual language but he was worried to speak to a rabbi lest the rabbi know him or know someone who knew him. He sought out the Catholic Chaplain who encouraged and comforted him as they prayed together. The next day he went to thank the priest for his help but the priest had moved on. He reports that, “After excoriating myself for my negligence and thoughtlessness, I found some comfort in the following thought: If you become a rabbi, or a priest, or an imam, or a shaman, and part of how you spend your time is waiting around hoping and expecting to get back the thanks you deserve – or you think you deserve – you’re a fool. It’s all about serving God and serving people. If you get thanked, it feels good, but either way, go home knowing that you’ve done your job. I am sure that when I left that priest’s office, his first thought was not “Is this guy going to thank me some day?” but rather “Okay, who’s next?” When I help someone and I feel that the appropriate expression of gratitude is not forthcoming, I remind myself that I’m not a bellhop waiting for a tip. As a friend of mine says: chop wood and carry water – and be thankful for the opportunity to help others.”
And that is exactly how I feel. I am so grateful for this tribute today but I am sincere when I say that Rabbi Diamond’s response is true for me as well. I am most thankful for the opportunity to have helped others in moments of joy or sorrow, in teaching Torah and explaining Judaism, in working with others in South Bend and St. Joseph County to make our community better for all, and I look forward to future venues including South Bend in which I can serve God, Am Yisrael and our local community. Thank you.